Alright y'all...so I China came back into my dreams last night.  It was crazy!  I was talking to my friends from church and we were discussing something or another.  All of a sudden, the landscape behind us changed and morphed into the mountians of southwest China with a fog interspersed through them.  Oh...it was so beautiful!  I just stopped talking and my friends turned around to look and about died when they saw the mountains.  If there is one thing I wish I could describe to those who don't know it (other than the feeling of having Jesus Christ living inside my heart) it would be the mountains of Guangxi.  I just don't know how to describe them at all..they were just wonderful.  God really had a good time putting those together. 

So, then, my friends and are are walking around Yangshuo just having a big old time.  We're going down to the river, watching the men fish from the bamboo rafts.  We're looing at the statues...watching some kids run around.  We started climbing up this one hill to find the hotel that I stayed at, but my mom knocked on the door to wake me up right then, so I didn't finish.  That dream just reminded me of all that I loved about China, everything.  If I could smell in my dreams, that would make it even better because nothing beats the smell of China. 

Ok, I'm done reminiscing...just thought I'd share it with y'all!  God bless!

So, I'm in the college/career group at church, and we meet on Sunday nights.  It's such a great group!  I feel so blessed to have a support system like this where I can come and share what's going on, my questions, and then pray for each other.  Anyway...we have these handouts (not as corny as I first thought) and they give us a guide for the week...certain things we should do throughout the week to keep us on a particular topic.  This week is....tada!...CONTENTMENT!  Yikes!  Such a big word with such a big meaning!  So, I thought...why should I just keep my reflection on it in my own personal journal, when I've got this wonderful piece of technology here to record such thoughts as these.  So, here ya go:

1. Preparation Time

Philippians 4:11-12

List the areas or situations of your life where there is discontent:

1. Personal Life - the depth of my friendships, and not having a boyfriend (in my locality)
2. Family Life - the closeness to my mother and sisters
3. Church Life - I want to do so much more, but I can't...and though it's ok that I can't, I still feel like I don't give enough...funny huh?
4. Business Life - I would love to start my career right now, but I have to finish college first and work at a bank in the meantime...though it's def not a bad job
5. Other - Though I want to serve God with my life, I find that I don't give Him enough of my life right now...not like in service or whatever, but mostly in my thoughts...they tend to fly from Him when they have the chance.

2. Waiting Time

During your waiting time, let God...

1. Love you
   "God, I feel your love today, especially in the area of..."
The words of the song I'm listening to, the words that I read in the Bible, my friends, the sogginess of my cereal.

2. Search you
   "God, you have permission to reveal any areas of my life where there is a complaining or grumbling attitude."
So, though I have this great desire to do more in church or wherever, I think it's falsely motivated.  I know that I am highly keyed on how others perceive me, and I act according to that "need." 

3. Show you
   "God, is there any specific area of my life you want to focus on today regarding contentment?"
I should be content to worry only about what God thinks of me, and He loves me.  No one else should matter, nobody.  This need to be affirmed by others shows in my want to do more things in life, to be "beautiful," to have a boyfriend.  When the time comes, it will all happen, if it is good.  I should trust God to determine that for me and to try not to force these things.

3. Confession Time

  "In everything you do stay away from complaning and arguing." - Philippians 2:14

Confess any areas to God where there has been a negative, critical, or complaining attitude.  Confess areas of ungratefulness.

My college situation...dating...the music at church...my relationship with my mom...I guess a lot more complaining than I gave credit for...hmm...

To be continued after a short break...

Hey y'all...well, I believe I've been reprimanded for not posting on here in a while, so here goes...

I am finally done with my third year of college...definately taking a break before starting up the fourth one.  Man, oh man, am I wiped out from it.  Directly after finals, I left for PA to visit my grandparents.  Well, not directly...I did wait until Rose and I had our joint b-day/graduation party...Congrats Rose and yeah, I'm 21 now...actually legal...to do what, I'm not sure.  Some have said it's a waste of a 21st birthday, but I disagree, I spent the evening catching lightning bugs with my 4 yr old cousin Rachel and we hunted "Weo the Wion" and sheep and other exciting animals.  It was a pretty good time.  Needless to say, once again, I was the coolest one there.    heh.

Then I took off with Rose and her family to DC for a Marathi (East Indian) Christian Conference.  It was really neat, and I got to meet a lot of nice people.  I was glad I went, although, we weren't able to see as much of DC as I wanted.  And the restaurant we went to in Chinatown was so rude!  I was disappointed.  Oh well, it only merits another trip back to see the capitol properly!

So, the preacher in DC was really good.  I felt so honored to be sitting under him and being taught in the Word by him.  If more than 1/5th of the sermon had been in English, it would have been even better!  He did mention one thing I really liked and that was from 2 Corinthians 3:2-3.  It talks about how we, Christians, are letter of Christ, not of paper, but in our hearts, written on by the Holy Spirit.  Are you a letter of love, a beautiful masterpiece and craftsmanship, or are you simply a scrap paper, with scribbles on it?  I hope that you are allowing God to write a wonderful work on the palette of your heart.  Every now and then, I feel God's pen come down upon me and it hurts.  It scratches at me and takes part of me away with it when He's done.  But I know that He has written something great on me and that every time He does that, He's making more like how He first created me to be. 

BTW, I have more poems up on my webpage, I've been busy.  HERE.

Much love and God bless!

Well, I have once again found myself wishing I had not said anything.  Why you ask?  Because I have a big mouth and I never know when to really be quiet, especially when I'm talking about myself.

I think that I might have found "that one" for me.  Of course, right now, he's taken.  Only dating, not married or even engaged...so i really don't see anything wrong with thinking that I might end up with a guy who dating someone else.  It's not like he talks about her when she's not there, or even when she is.  They don't have much in common, nor are they very serious in their relationship.  Trust me, he's said so. 

No, no, I do definately see room for possibility.  There could possibly be a change.  And yet, I found myself saying too much with everyone present.  Me and my big mouth.  We were all simply talking about how some people just "know" who they are going to marry when they meet them.  Our college pastor, for instance, just knew he would marry his wife on their first date.  So, by my asking him this question, he asked me if I had found "that one."  So, I wistfully answered, I think I may have.

Immediate questioning and grilling proceeded and left me feeling bruised, trapped, and beet red.  Everyone, including "that one," was asking me who this lucky guy was.  I refused to answer.  Not only was my pride at stake, but a big drama could ensue.  Aiia, whoever said love was simple!?  I find myself being ever more drawn to him and loving every minute we are together.  I don't know if he is "that one" but I am completely amenable to that conclusion. 

Hey y'all!  I'm sick...well, recovering.  It's been a kind of rough ride lately though.  See, my mom's boyfriend is back in town, and he invades our home.  I wouldn't get so upset about it except that I've been sick...normally I'm not in the house for very long throughout the week.  But since I've been sick, I've had to be in the house, alone, with him, and he annoys the crud out of me.  It would be one thing if he was very loving to my mom and whatnot, but he hasn't exactly been the best of boyfriends for her and I think she's wasting her time.  Then, he's obsessed with tennis, so for the past 3 weeks, all we've been watching has been the Australia Open.  Yikes!  I'm tennised out.  Oh, and he criticises my health and diet (which I have none...I am a full-time college student who works part-time and goes to church, is trying to learn Chinese...etc) and he puts our house thermostat under 70. 

I can't wait until I feel better enough to go to work...isn't that wild?  I'm actually wanting to go to work!  Other than the fact that I get paid for working...I just want out of this house!!

Next weekend, I've put together an ESL training seminar for our church in cooperation with our State Convention (SCBO).  I'm pretty excited...it's going to be a refresher course for me, since I've already been trained when I taught in Southeast Asia, but there are people in my church pumped about it.  It's another big step towards my goal of starting English classes in Chinese restaurants throughout our area.  Anywho, I've got to head off to Greek class...the only class I could never miss.  Have a great weekend!

So, I'm at a draw right now.  There's a guy that I kind of like who, I guess, likes me a lot right now.  Seems like a good set up, exept that he's Chinese and several years older than me (7). Wouldn't be so bad, except that he's not a Christian!!  This just cannot happen.  I know he's on the edge...I think he believes, he just hasn't surrendered to Christ yet.  Bummer, I know.  God's working on him, but I'm afraid that he might be interested in Christianity because of me. 

Quandry...he may become a Christian because of me.  If I am not careful, though, my telling him that I won't date him because he's not a Christian may turn him off from Christianity.  Difficult to tell this future is. 

So what do y'all think I should do?  He's a very sweet guy, not too bad looking, but...yeah.  Let me know.

Well, hey there everyone! It's been a while since I've updated this. I made it through the first semester of my third year of college and survived the Blizzard of 2004 just before Christmas. Yeah, it was crazy...my back is still a little sore from shoveling my car out. This has been an interesting holiday season. Kind of rough. In September, my step-mom's father passed away, and just last Friday her mother passed away suddenly as well. My step-sister was diagnosed with a real serious nervous system disorder (autonomic nervous system failure). One of my step-brothers is in Egypt with his wife, another is in Chicago with his wife, and the other is in Florida with his wife and daughter. It's been rough for my step-mom. I wrote a poem in memory of my grandparents, and you can find it HERE.

Ive started a new ministry, based on the work I did in China this past summer. I have begun building relationships with the Chinese restaurants in my area in hopes of starting ESL(English as a Second Language) classes in them. Once this happens, then maybe, possibly, God-willing and providing, these restaurant workers can be witnessed to and led to Christ. I would love to see a Chinese congregation start up at my church, but if not there, then at least Bible Studies. It's going to be a lot of fun and hard work, but I've got a few people at my church pumped about it. I really believe that God is going to do a great thing with this, and I'm so glad that God has opened my heart to the Chinese people (and given me an admiration for their food) I am constantly working on my understanding of the Chinese language. It is so hard! But not as hard as learning English, I'm finding out. heh.

Anywho, I've got to get to bed..and mom's upset with me, AGAIN, so I'll talk to y'all later! Have a great Happy New Year!

In Him, Sarah

Hey y'all...I wrote a new poem. I'm going to post the link as well as the poem here...maybe that way I'll get some comments without people having to go to my webpage...I dunno why people don't want to though. I think it's pretty cool, but oh well, I might be in a one-person crowd there.

This is My Bible

Leather binding, open pages
Thin and old
Scribbles in margins
From lessons learned
Flecks of yellow and pink
On black and red letters
This is my Book
This is my Treasure

Like the ocean I gaze in
Seeing life abounding
Deeper and deeper
It catches my eyes
A flicker of gold
From the Son above
This is my Light
This is my Life

I delve in
Deeper and deeper
Tasting the salt
On the crest of the waves
Making me thirst
Thirsting for more
This is my Water
This is my Manna

Taken aback
By guilt deep inside
Dashed and exposed
From the waves on the Rock
I stumble and fall
Made clean then healed
This is my Block
This is my Sword

Hey everyone. I wrote another poem. I was watching some movies this weekend, the "Romantic Comedy" ones. They were, Something to Talk About, Runaway Bride, and You've Got Mail. Now, I like these movies, I really enjoy them, but sometimes, I get really frustrated by them.
Like, this Wimbledon that is coming out soon. I'm looking forward to it, and it will probably become one of my top-liked movies, BUT, at the same time, there's a lot of danger in watching movies like that.
I myself, am 20 yrs old. I've never had a really serious boyfriend and I've never kissed a guy before. When I turned 18, I kind of decided I didn't want to kiss anyone until I got married. I know it sounds weird, but, for me at least, I think it's a good thing. I definately plan on waiting to have sex until I am married, but with kissing, the line is a little grayer. Let me share with you why I feel this way though. I have waited for a long time to kiss someone and now it is just as precious and meaningful to me as sex would be. I have no clue if I will be good at it, but my husband will be the only man I have ever tried it with. He will be my only experience. This is good for him too, because he won't have to worry about me comparing him to anyone else.
So, my feelings about these movies. They aren't real, and most relationships don't happen like that. I think it is really dangerous for girls to watch these movies, because they get brainwashed and they set standards and expectations for their lives and romances based on false experiences. I fall victim to it a lot. There are a lot of times when I think that the man I will marry will sweep me off my feet like Tom Hanks, or be incurably funny, witty, and dashing like Richard Gere. But there are some things that won't happen, and while I will expect my husband to be romantic, I can't let myself think that he will be like that all the time. Sometimes, he's going to act crude and sarcastic like Adam Sandler or Jim Carey. I don't know, maybe I'm not making sense, but I think this is what God is telling me. I don't know.
What brings up these feelings of romance and desire inside us? Why is it that we make up stories like these, like An Affair to Remember, Sleeping Beauty, Romeo and Juliet, etc. There are so many stories about love, and about this man who falls for this woman and pursues her with everything he has. How did these stories get into our heads? Why do they speak to our hearts so well? Is it because we were made to be romanced? Is it because the stories are so like the romance story that God wrote for us? Where he loves us so much that he is willing to let us kill His Son and still hold the door to heaven open for us? This is the ultimate Romancer, the One who wrote the song of love from the beginning. How cool?
This is the link to my poem: Mind's Games
Let me know what you think

Hey all! I wrote a new poem, here's the link:

Hallelujah / How Could It Be?

If y'all have any comments, feel free to post them here! Thank ya kindly!

Sarah